When we practice this better kind of listening, we can connect deeply, build relationships, solve problems, and produce better results. Or are you really trying to listen and understand what the other person is trying to say? One way to do this is to evaluate your intent before or during a conversation. His latest book, Effortless: Make It Easier to Do What Matters Most, is out now. So it takes a concerted effort to shift our mindset to this new way of listening. Greg McKeown(GregoryMcKeown) is the host of the What’s Essentialpodcast, and author of the New York Timesbestseller Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. Listening to agree or disagree is our default. They also tend to understand their ideas better and can communicate them more clearly (1). But none of this happens when our first objective is something other than trying to understand what the other person is saying. Research demonstrates that when people feel heard and understood, they become less argumentative and are more open to incorporating different points of view. In that space lies our ability to understand each other and ourselves. I have learned there is a space between agreeing and disagreeing. Is it any wonder that understanding and communication get lost in this win-at-all-cost environment?

We distrust the other side and become more entrenched in our own viewpoints. Everyone with a different view becomes an opponent. This talk addresses the challenges of engineering sustainable AI using face and emotion recognition as case studies. What if, instead of trying to win the conversation, we could create a space between agreeing and disagreeing?Īfter 25 years of observing interpersonal communication, my primary observation is that almost everyone, almost all of the time, listens with the intent to agree or disagree.īut when we listen with this intent, every conversation turns into a competition to be right. Have you ever found yourself taking sides in a conversation where you were trying to win the argument? You’re gathering all the evidence to support your side, and the other person is getting defensive, and you can feel the emotion rising in you. Stop Thinking You Have To Agree or Disagree

Greg mckeown ted talk